Thursday, April 28, 2011

Thursday's Series: Maude's Adventure Gone Fishing Part 1: You are a special kind of idiot.

So with the ending of my Tuesday posts on HCG and bootcamp I found I wanted to do something creative at the blog with my writing. I am a writer, right? So with that in mind I decided to invite a story I have had brewing into the blogosphere. It's about a woman who is single, has been a single mother most of her kids lives. With her son and daughter grown, married and moving on with their lives she decided to move on as well. After a massive weight loss and the new found energy that came with it she joined a local online dating service called Fish...There's Plenty. These are her stories....

Maude applied her make up in the mirror as she got ready for work. When you work at Fashionista you have to look like one. At least that’s what Mrs. Doreen the manager said. Forget the fact that Maude worked in the office and was hardly on the floor. It seemed Mrs. Doreen hadn’t required Maude to even follow that protocol until she lost that 110 pounds. It seemed lapband surgery had other sideeffects the ads didn’t mention. Like the fact skinny people are expected to look great all the time or something.
Maude applied her eyeliner and thought back over the night before events. She had checked on to Fish first thing. The local online dating website she had joined eight months back. It had really caused drama in her life. Some good…some bad but at least it was something to look forward to. With a daughter her maliciously moved her only grandchildren two thousand miles away and a son who eloped with his wife in Hawaii where the army had stationed him life with her two children away was dull to say the least.
This latest guy, Ricky, seemed ok. They had talked back and forth a few times through Fish and on the phone. He had asked if he could friend her on Facebook and she agreed. One of the preliminary questions she asked a potential suitor on Fish was “Are you a rebound guy? Are you still in contact with your ex? Have you recently broke up with someone?” All of which he answered vehemently no. He had been single for a year didn’t even talk to her anymore.
After a little while of Facebook chat he said he had to get off and get some sleep. So they said their good nights. Only Ricky didn’t get off. He started posting videos from YouTube of country love songs and asking if “Crystal” liked them. Maude realizing the utter liar that Ricky was immediately unfriended him and wrote him a message.

Dear Ricky,
You are a special kind of stupid. I asked you if you were over your ex and you told me you hadn’t even seen her in a year. Only that was a lie…right stupid?! You get off Facebook with me presumably to go to bed and you are posting country love song videos to Crystal. Who I can only assume is your ex. Well I ain’t having it. Goodbye.

An involuntary smile lit up Maude face form the memory. It was time for blush now. When she reached for the brush her phone lit up indicating a Facebook message. Looking at the screen it also indicated a friend request pending.

Dear Maude,
I’m sorry if I lied to you about going to bed. I really was. I forgot I had to go through some songs. My cousin Crystal is getting married and she asked me to help find some songs to play at the rehearsal dinner.

Well  no blush was needed at this point. She deleted the message and checked the friend request. Sure enough it was Ricky. Thinking to herself for a minute she considered accepting. But then hit ignore. Because any man who thought a woman who embarrassed herself that much and still wanted to be friends really was a special kind of stupid. 

So who wants to hear more of Maude's story?