Connections are your Cornerstone

 

In the last week I have been working thirteen hour days preparing for two amazing events…The Global Women’s Summit in Vegas and Romcon in Denver. I’ll be presenting more than once in Vegas and let me just say PowerPoint is a Pain in my _______. Turns out my program is messed up. Go figure could have save hours….

I digress. The point is that the weekend before I go away for two conferences in a week with only a 10 hour layover at home midweek I also had some very important family things going on as well.

The Expert Gift Giver

It's midnight on Christmas Eve and I'm wide awake. It's not because I have something left that has to be done. It's not because I am excited by some huge degree and therefore have just been up this late. Actually I've been asleep for a three or four hours. Either way I'm up and I've got something on my mind.

And that is the bane of being a writer.

When you have something on your mind you will either write down a note roll over and go back to blissful sleep. Then in the morning see the note remember and act upon the midnight genius. Or you'll get up and write letting it flow and act upon the genius then. Or you shall fall back asleep only to wake up remember it was something amazing...then never remember it again.

So let's talk about the expert gift giver.

I recently listened to a talk my Bishop gave to the women of our church. It was based upon how at this time of year women often tend to get overwhelmed. Where he got that idea I have no clue?! But to set the mood he started by having his wife read this poem.

See Mother, Funny Funny Mother

See Mother. See Mother laugh. Mother is happy.
Mother is happy about Christmas.
Mother has many plans. Mother has many plans for Christmas.
Mother is organized. Mother smiles all the time.
Funny, funny Mother.

See Mother. See Mother smile. Mother is happy.
The shopping is all done. See the children watch TV.
Watch, children watch.
See the children change their minds.
See them ask for different toys.
Look, look, Mother is not smiling.
Funny, funny Mother.

See Mother. See Mother sew.
Mother will make dresses.
Mother will make robes.
Mother will make shirts.

See Mother put the zipper in wrong.
See Mother sew the dress on the wrong side.
See Mother cut the skirt too short.
See Mother put the material away until January.
Look. Look. See Mother take a tranquilizer.
Funny, funny Mother.

See Mother. See Mother buy raisins and nuts.
See Mother buy candied pineapple and powdered sugar.
See Mother buy flour, and dates, and pecans, and brown sugar, and bananas, and spices, and vanilla.
Look. Look. Mother is mixing everything together.
See the children press out cookies.
See the flour on their elbows.
See the cookies burn. See the cake fall.
See the children pull taffy. See mother pull her hair.
See mother clean the kitchen with the garden hose. (I've done this.)
Funny, funny Mother.

See Mother. See Mother wrap presents. See Mother look for the end on the scotch tape roll. See Mother bite her finger nails. See Mother go.
See Mother go to the store 12 times in one hour.
Go Mother go. See Mother go faster. Run Mother run.
See Mother trim the tree.
See Mother have a party.
See Mother make popcorn.
See Mother wash the walls.
See Mother scrub the rug.
See Mother tear up the organized plan.
See Mother forget gift for Uncle Harold.
See Mother get hives.
Go Mother go. See the far away look in Mother's eyes.
Mother has become disorganized. Mother has become disoriented.
Funny, funny Mother.

It is finally Christmas morning. See the happy family.
See Father smile. Father is happy.
Smile Father smile.
Father loves fruit cake.
Father loves Christmas pudding.
Father loves all the new neckties.
Look, look. See the happy children. See the children's toys.
Santa was very good to the children.
The children will remember this Christmas.

See Mother. Mother is slumped in a chair.
Mother is crying uncontrollably.
Mother does not look well.
Mother has ugly dark circles under her blood shot eyes.
Everyone helps mother to her bed.
See Mother sleep quietly under heavy sedation.
See Mother smile.
Funny, funny Mother.


Hmmmm....Perhaps that's isn't too wrong of an idea about women and the holidays. Nonetheless on to the attributes of an expert gift giver.

1. When evaluating what to give the recipient the expert gift giver looks at not just the temporal but the spiritual needs.

2. The gift is given freely...without expectation of reaction, expectation of use, or even acknowledgement of receipt. The expert gift giver's joy comes in simply giving and walking away.

3. Even if the gift is given as a sacrifice to the expert gift giver they know that the return is greater as it has been investigated, prayed about, and freely given. The joy or ease of burdens the expert gift giver knows is the greater than the sacrifice made.

So how about fair reader? Are you an expert gift giver...do you try at least? Where have you hit it on the head? When have you fell short? And finally Merry Christmas.

Moma's Christmas Ninjas

Time Well Spent

Today is the last day with Granny. I love my granny and so does my family. She hasn't been out to see us in four years. It's been that long since we celebrated a holiday with her either.

In the seven days she's been with us we had Thanksgiving dinner, went to lunch for her birthday (its in Dec) and had Christmas morning with her. It's been kind of busy since she's been here doing all the shopping and stuff. Then yesterday she had a bad night and was tired and lethargic all day.

Because of that we didn't go to church. Our family is very active in our religion and though granny doesn't attend our church she is supportive. However, I felt like it was important to just simply be with her today. She feels better, Sundays are always laid back, and it is her last day as she leaves first thing in the morning. There is a small twinge of guilt that I didn't attend but I love my Savior and he loves my granny. I can tell she's really happy we stayed and are just hanging out for the day.

What about you? Have you ever felt slightly guilty but then decided not to regret it?

Hanging pictures on the wall

This week I did something I haven't done in 3 years. Not since we lost the house we owned. Not after we moved 2,000 miles away from family....not even in 1 of our 4 moves in 3 years. I dug out family photos and hung them on the wall. You know those newborn, soccer, school play pictures of your kids you will love forever. Yeah those.

In my superstitious mind I thought by putting them up it was like inviting yet another move. But my granny is coming I have a beautiful home, it's the holidays and I want it to be a home with my mark. So the hell with it.

I'm living for the moment.

I also decided to do a different Christmas color scheme. For 6 years it's been purple and gold not this year! It's traditional green, red and gold. I may even do 3 trees!

So what about y'all? Any superstitions?

In 6 months I'll be 30

How did this happen?

I just got done nailing down my 20s!

I'm really good at being in my 20's!

Do you know how obnoxious I've been to my older friends?

These are some of the things that's race through my mind as April approaches. I may be 29 but truly if you've read my bio, know me in person or online you know I've lived the life of a 40+ woman.

What I know so far....


I'm done having kids. 2 teen boys. 2 girls in school full time I'm done.

I've been married for 12 years and I don't just love my husband I NEED him and it feels good.

I'm friends with my granny and my moma. We listen to each other and it's fun.

I love my life, my jobs, colleagues, church, home, car, family friends. I'm truly content.

I can live like a king on $3000 a month. For a family of 6 that's showing some mad skill. Not to mention at one time I made $12,000 a month and it still wasn't enough.

What I don't know...

What is going on with my skin?

Will I always have this much energy?

Will I get to travel like I want to?

Am I going to get lung cancer from those 2 packs a day for six years?

Why are all the girls my sons date scared of me?

How is it possible I can look at a tiny newborn baby and not go awe? Instead I look at the mom, say a prayer and Thank God I'm done.


That's my 30 rant. What age did you freak out over?

Paw paw was a vet

This is terribly late but very heart felt. My paw paw or grandfather for anyone unsoutherner was my dad in every way that counted. He taught me about honor, patience, bird houses, how to drive, how to change oil, sharpen a blade, listen for bobcats while hiking and to be quiet when granny look like that. Now after merchant marines, 101st Airborne, 3 wars and countless jumps his body is failing and sadly some days his mind. But I love and appreciate him. And when he calls me 2,000 miles away and needs me to fix the tv, cell phone, or call Tricare I'm grateful to be needed.

Whose your Vet?

Attitude of Gratitude

I woke up at odark thirty aka butt crack of dawn on this Nov 1 not with thoughts of holiday shopping or Nano but with grateful joy.

I walked down my steps to my office and it only grew.

I sat down at the computer and began printing off coupons and organizing my lists with happiness waking me up more than any caffeine.

For you see last Nov due to financial stress I shared a tiny apartment with my family of six. And one of those six was away for over a year.

So now that this holiday season we are in a large, beautiful home I have to get up early and clip coupons and work long hours to afford.

I can't help but be thankful.

Because I get to work those hours from this home and all my family is here with me. And thousandaire or not I know I'd still be clipping coupons.

What were your thoughts this morning?

Living Life's Country Song

So I've cracked the joke lately that my life became a country song. You know the cliche... Your car breaks down, spouse cheats/leaves, dog dies, BFF sleeps with your sister, your trailers repoed and you don't realized it until your flying in it in a wrecker down the interstate.

You get it.

Well it's not that bad. Truly. But my van I bought in March's engine seized and I have no funds to purchase a new car or fix it. And my husband was in a car wreck in Feb and is in a law suit and turns out slipped 5 disks from said wreck. Not to mention he's in construction and we are hitting the slow time.

But that's not what this post is about. It's about what I do have. Health, love, shelter, food, food storage, the bills are currently current (my editor will love that.) and a host of amazing friends. Online, close by, and faraway. They support me with honest guidance, kind words, well couched and placed reminders of my blessings. Not to mention two are willing to share the use of some spare wheels.

So let's talley

Blessing:10
Trials: 3

I'll remember that when it's hard and smile.

So dear reader how's your trials vs. blessings lately?

Life and It's Lemons

Today in the church parking lot my van crapped the bed. By the time we got it home it had a rainbow trail free flowing and the engine was smoking more than an ashqueen.

I bought this van in cash I had saved for a while. It was from a dealership. A small one. Bought as is in February! A 2001 Ford Windstar it only had 93k and was one of the nicer cars I've owned in 3 years. Haggled a little paid cash and here I am 6 months later.

Do they owe me anything?Legally, they don't. Lemon Law says 90 days.
Honorably....

What can I do? A lot. I've took a video of my van. I'm going to show it to them and see if they feel bad or if they try to help. If I walk away unsatisfied. I'll make sure to tell everyone I know to avoid them.

Have you seen my FB friends or my twitter following?

But seriously I wouldn't want anyone else to have this experience. But I'm also not out to smear a name. So I'll give them a chance first.

Tell me what would you do?

My bank account had 77 cents

I'm known to say " I'm good at poor. It's prosperity that got me." That statement could encompass my life. I gave a talk on at last Aprils Ignite Boise.

In fact I'm damn good at poor. I know it. It's steady. I mean the only thing you can get from nothing is up.

I remember one time at the end of a week we had 77 cents in our bank account. My husband wasn't hysterical but wasn't happy either. I on the other hand was fine. All the bills were current. We had plenty of food and he had work next week.

We have always been at the mercy of the building industry. Still are until he finishes that criminal justice degree. Another one of my mantras about our money situation was " chickens one day, feathers the next."

And that's the truth.

I can remember one month when we made $60,000. Of course we had $12,000 a month in bills too. And I was not happy. I had nothing to focus my drive, something to engaged my energy.

I am someone who must be anxiously engaged in a good cause.

So as I'm forced to bed because of sickness and it's cold and rainy indicating winter (our slow time) and fear whispers about the future.

I say I have crap to do hurry up antibiotics and heal me. And I'm going to let the hubster worry about the checking account since I'm on loratab.

So what about you...what engages you...holds your energy and focuses you senses through the bad time?

I'm Enough: The Battle of Desire and Guilt

I'm many things. Some good, some bad, all sassy. One of my greatest faults is I don't know how go half way or to do a decent enough job. When it comes to friends, family, & commitments I'm loyal to a fault.

However, in my age (I'll be 30 this year) and experience (I've lived 60 years worth of life) I'm learning that "it's enough for now and it is well." to be distinctly different than a half way job or just enough.

Everyday, every week is different. For most of this week I've been doing domestic things and that is well. My kids need to eat, my husband needs a clean house, & I'm taking the time to be frugal.

I'm still working everyday. That the beauty of home office and Internet. Although I always have a desire to do more I find it's that desire that drives my success. Nevertheless, I'm even more determined to be happy with myself and my efforts. Guilt is useless in this instance and I won't let it hold me back.

What's your greatest desire or what do you find yourself feeling guilty about most often?

I'm sorry there is no Santa Claus

Today as I rubbed primer on my face and filled in the potholes with concealer my mind wasn't thinking of my todo list but what I would do at the end of the day.

For Family Home Evening ( a weekly family meeting where we spend time together) we are going to discuss Christmas.

Why in October? I'm a planner. But it's more than that. As much as I'd like to say it's purely the spiritual aspect that motivates me. Its not. It's the frugality. But it's the spiritual that will make me follow through.

Starting this year Christmas will be less about gifts and more about service, Christ and family.

Each member will only receive 3 gifts. As Jesus Christ did. One gift will be spiritually related, one to magnify a talent, and the last with no restrictions.

In order to achieve this I feel the need to explain that Santa Claus is not who I've led them to believe he is. He's more of the spirit of giving that got put of hand.

My hope is that once done a new loving spiritual tradition will emerge. But I'm deadset on at least trying even if my hopes are an epic fail.

What about you? What's your thoughts on Christmas, holidays and gifts?

Today I Was A Mom

This has been a crazy week. Two bdays my girls are just days apart. And on both of their days I had work commitments. While they seemed happy with the family parties and everything came together...that ugly, nasty, useless guilt nagged me all week.

I was just so rushed during both parties that today when they had the friend party I wanted to nail it. But guess what today I also had a work commitment. However it was before and not after. So that helped.

The cakes were perfect, we kept the games easy, only one girl got hurt, & no blood was involved, the gifts were amazing, & we had one little girl who we met at the park who crashed the party but I had extra goody bags.

I have MANY jobs. But this is the most important, the one I fall short at the most, the one that is the eternal investment, and today I rocked it!

(and dad helped)

A Belle's Roots...A love story from a few generations before Part Two

Wilma looked through the closet of her best friend Betsy. She didn't have many clothes but that was OK cause she borrowed what she needed from her sister Rita or Betsy. There were enough between them and coming from a family with nine children sharing was a lesson learned early.

"Toots," Betsy called. Toots was a nickname Wilma got when a small child. Only no one knew why or who started it. "You go ahead and get anything you want. In fact wear this blue sleeveless top with these white knee pants. It will bring out your eyes and when that fool Jimmy sees you he'll be rethinking spending his precious leave time with Bob instead of you." She said shoving the outfit in Wilma's hands.

After their morning chores and breakfast they walked to town. That was the great thing about Erin the railroad ran right through it and there were no strangers in the small town. Betsy swung her hands to and fro along the folds of her high back sun dress. Wilma listened to her as she talked on and on about the latest boy in town.

A long high whistle sounded interrupting Betsy's tirade. She turned, her shoulder length blond hair flipping around and arched a brow as she planted a hand on her slim hip.Wilma followed Betsy's glare having it fall on a handsome boy with dark hair and dark eyes. He walked toward them a half smile on his face leaving behind a Chevy with the hood raised.

"Betsy Darling you are looking mighty pretty today in that dress." He said winking and calling her by her first and middle name. Betsy smiled back. "Whose this other pretty lady with you?" He continued his flirtation nodding his head toward Wilma.

"This is my friend Wilma but everyone calls her Toots." He nodded toward Wilma and she smiled crossing her arms suddenly furious that James wasn't who she was with. If things had gone as she thought they were she should have been in his arms with a ring on her left ring finger.

"I'm Danny Allen. Why don't you two come sit on the porch and have a couple cokes." Wilma and Betsy shared a look then walked quickly to his porch. Cokes were a sweet and rare luxury for the two girls.

They hadn't been there long when Bob walked up toward the porch and he didn't look happy. Wilma squared her shoulders and put what she hope was a blank look on her face.

"Toots I've been looking everywhere for you. Jimmy is up at the house...been waiting all morning too." Bob pointed toward his home by the railroad tracks.

"Well if he was so eager to see me why didn't he take the opportunity to do it yesterday." Wilma replied before taking a long sip of her Coke. Danny and Betsy looked on wide eyed but quiet. Bob had a temper and Betsy was his sister and knew to steer clear. Color drained from Bob's face as he clenched and unclenched his fists.

"Now you get your hind end up there now you hear!" He yelled pointing again down the tracks.

"If Jimmy wants to see me let him know that I will be sitting right here." Wilma replied sitting her now empty glass bottle on the wooden porch beside her before meeting Bob's steely glare. Huffing he turned on his heel and headed in the direction he had pointed so many times before. Shortly her sister Rita followed attempting the same thing Bob had, still unsuccessful.

However, before Rita left she shared a death blow to Wilma. Jimmy was up there waiting to propose. He had showed the rings the night before to Bob. Betsy sat down beside her in the swing while Danny politely went to fetch more Cokes.

"Are you sure you don't want to go up there now Toots?" Betsy suggest leaning toward and lightly touching her hands fisted in her lap. Wilma took a deep breath and picture her backbone straight and solid.

"If those rings were meant for me then I should have seen then before Bob." She insisted. Then heard the familiar growl of a Ford driving too fast in the direction of the base. Wilma sighed then started on her second Coke.


Now I just want to point  out that there is a lot of creative license in this post. It's like hearing a family story then adding your own romantic imaginations to it. A lot...how about I call a spade a spade...a tremendous amount. LOL If you missed part one it's here.

 

Too Busy for Chivalry?

Let me start this blog off with what I encountered as I arrived home from a nice trip to the dollar movies with my kids.

I pull into my parking lot at approximately 4-4:40pm which is on an extremely traffic packed road right at a red light. I see a woman with a teenage daughter and preteen son, a uhaul truck halfway unpacked and their stuff from the truck scattered around in the parking lot in front of my complex.Now my apartment faces this parking lot so I continued to stare from my blinds as I came in and found CC my hubby at the computer.

(Don't snicker you know you would be nosey too.)

As I small talked with CC I observed this woman on the phone, obviously irritated, repeatedly running her fingers through her hair and talking to her kids, looking around and holding her chest. I saw her son darting around looking in boxes. Then I saw her daughter looking at her mother, her brother and their stuff. Suddenly I was transported back in time.

It was no longer a Uhaul but a Penske. They were no longer in Idaho but North Carolina. The little boy was my brother, the tensed woman was my mother and the teenage girl was me. I couldn't control myself. Without a word to my family I was in my shoes and crossing the battered field that separated us . I approached this woman and looked her in the eye. What I saw broke my heart. Fear.

I smiled and offered my hand introducing myself to her and her children. It was when I said "Can I help you?" that she broke down. She cried a little and said she had thought I was going to ask her to leave. I was so enraged at the assumption. Is that what this world has come too? A single mother with two children's first thought at someone approaching is that they are going to be asked to leave. I estimated that hundreds of cars passed by this scene in the time before and after I arrived. Not one person had the courage to whip in there role down the window and say "Can I help you?"

Why is that? I have two theories. One is we are simply to busy with where we are going and what we want to do to be aware of our surroundings. Two is that those that did consider asking were too scared she would say yes and then they would have to help. We do not like to be put out as a society. We are selfish, inconsiderate and unaware. Except when life's unfairness effects us directly and we go HEY!

So as for the woman. The reasons why she was in this situation is unimportant. The point is I trudged myself back over that field to my apartment, told CC and my Boy (he is 14). "Time for some service." Then after a little bit of explanation they happily came to this family's rescue. Shortly after they started our neighbor, super single mom mail lady, also came and pitched right in. I'm ashamed to say she did more of the manual labor than I did. However, she is super so it's easier for her.

What would you have done? Truthfully....