In March of 2010 my son went to a state rehabilitation center. What he did is no one's business and when I am asked I tell people that he needs to have the opportunity to repent in private. We as a society are judgmental and cruel having little or no patience or empathy if people cross a line that we have set in our own minds. I as a parent am judgmental and impatient so I expect nonetheless from other.
My son has spent his 16th and soon to be his 17th birthday in a facility. I don't say lock up or juvy because it wasn't like that. He had freedoms that he had to earn and wasn't nearly as intense as those places are. But he went through some intense therapy. Going through this experience and soon to be probation has taught me a lot about being a parent, especially a step parent. For you see I've been his mother for 11 years now. I'm 29 with a child soon to be graduating high school. I'm grateful to have him go through this now where they could get to the root of a lifetimes reasons for bad choices. And the cruel twisted hand of fate is all the problems stem from the abuse of a biological mother suffered as early as a toddler.
While I would love to be the prodigal son's father and love him without suspicion as he returns it's love for him and the probation rules that dictate that I cannot. In his absence he had learned about the simple joys that freedom and family give a person. He's learned to appreciate an education bringing his pitiful 1.9 GPA to a 3.8. When he's out will he forget those lessons? Maybe a little...he is human nonetheless. But that's where a wicked step mother comes in to help steer him back to the correct course.
What are you thoughts? Have any of you dealt with children \who were less than stellar?
dealing with children that are less than stellar...i know it well..you guys will get through this as you always have and i know in my heart everyone will be fine. i love you.
ReplyDeleteI have an adult grandson that had a very abusive (both physically and mentally) mother. Although his father had custody of him from age 12 on, my grandson had some very serious behavior problems (thankfully no drugs or alcohol). Love, patience, and support helped him become the wonderful 23 yr old Christian that he is today. My prayers are with you and your family.
ReplyDeleteI have four living children, my youngest is my only son. At 14, he got involved with gateway drugs. By 15, he was stealing and dealing, and by 16, he'd been arrested for taking a knife to school. Through all of this, because I was a divorced mom and the ex lived several states away, I was on my own, and my daughters suffered. But I never gave up, and after an accident on a mountain road that nearly killed him and my daughter-in-law, an arrest and conviction for felony eluding, my son is a productive member of society with a wonderful life and a daughter we all adore. Life happens. It's how we respond that makes the difference.
ReplyDeleteI'm a step mom too and I also have a biological 2 yr old and I would do just as much for my 3 step kids (age 23, 21, 19) as I would for Cage. I, too, have had to watch them make mistakes, get arrested (2 of them), and have to learn from the school of hard knocks. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I do have one complaint about your post - one step parent to another - you're not the evil step mother because you don't want to let your guard down - that's called being a mom. You'd be a bad, terrible mother if you shrugged your shoulders and didn't care. IMHO and from personal experience.
ReplyDeleteI worked in law enforcement for twelve years. Over those years, my oldest son was arrested, not once but twice, while I was on duty. I had to serve my older brother breakfast in jail and several other relatives. I hope your "son", the child you love realizes what a caring mother you really are.
ReplyDeleteVery heartfelt and real article! You're very brave to post this. I can feel the emotions you are conveying through your well-chosen words. I'm a step mom myself and know the challenges. Stay strong!
ReplyDeleteMy oldest son is in a state juvenile facility right now. In one week he goes to a halfway house for 3 months and then home. I confess that I'm really nervous. He's been there for a year, but this isn't his first time in a facility. We've been there and done that and each time ended up right back in trouble. He's now 18. He turned 18 in December, so any trouble from now on will be more serious for him, and will no longer involve me as the parent. I'm trying to give it to God and not stress too much. The operative word there is TRYING.
ReplyDeleteBlessings
Michelle V
Since you are a writer, you might think about putting your love in a letter that he can refer to when he likes. Kids often don't show they are listening when one speaks, but if those written words are special to him, he just might hold onto them and get special comfort from them time and again. Keep it short and to the point, so that is memorable and special. God bless you both.
ReplyDeleteMy older son had problems in adolescence, cutting school, failing and so on. It was so painful to watch. I actually had a professional suggest I have him removed from my home, which I refused to do. We finally found the right school for him and he turned things around. But the pain of watching him floundering and feeling helpless was enormous. I applaud your honesty, giving us all a chance to chime in and tell you, you're not alone.
ReplyDeleteWow it's been a day. I posted this just as I was getting ready to spend a day hanging out with said son. It is truly unedited but all heart. As I can tell so many of you got.
ReplyDeleteI want each of you to know I appreciate your comments as others do as well. It seems as mothers we are truly not alone in our trials.
Bless you all
My heart hurts for him. You are one of the best things that has ever happened to him. You care. And you love him. That will be the foundation of his recovery.
ReplyDeleteMuch love
~Me