The Expert Gift Giver

It's midnight on Christmas Eve and I'm wide awake. It's not because I have something left that has to be done. It's not because I am excited by some huge degree and therefore have just been up this late. Actually I've been asleep for a three or four hours. Either way I'm up and I've got something on my mind.

And that is the bane of being a writer.

When you have something on your mind you will either write down a note roll over and go back to blissful sleep. Then in the morning see the note remember and act upon the midnight genius. Or you'll get up and write letting it flow and act upon the genius then. Or you shall fall back asleep only to wake up remember it was something amazing...then never remember it again.

So let's talk about the expert gift giver.

I recently listened to a talk my Bishop gave to the women of our church. It was based upon how at this time of year women often tend to get overwhelmed. Where he got that idea I have no clue?! But to set the mood he started by having his wife read this poem.

See Mother, Funny Funny Mother

See Mother. See Mother laugh. Mother is happy.
Mother is happy about Christmas.
Mother has many plans. Mother has many plans for Christmas.
Mother is organized. Mother smiles all the time.
Funny, funny Mother.

See Mother. See Mother smile. Mother is happy.
The shopping is all done. See the children watch TV.
Watch, children watch.
See the children change their minds.
See them ask for different toys.
Look, look, Mother is not smiling.
Funny, funny Mother.

See Mother. See Mother sew.
Mother will make dresses.
Mother will make robes.
Mother will make shirts.

See Mother put the zipper in wrong.
See Mother sew the dress on the wrong side.
See Mother cut the skirt too short.
See Mother put the material away until January.
Look. Look. See Mother take a tranquilizer.
Funny, funny Mother.

See Mother. See Mother buy raisins and nuts.
See Mother buy candied pineapple and powdered sugar.
See Mother buy flour, and dates, and pecans, and brown sugar, and bananas, and spices, and vanilla.
Look. Look. Mother is mixing everything together.
See the children press out cookies.
See the flour on their elbows.
See the cookies burn. See the cake fall.
See the children pull taffy. See mother pull her hair.
See mother clean the kitchen with the garden hose. (I've done this.)
Funny, funny Mother.

See Mother. See Mother wrap presents. See Mother look for the end on the scotch tape roll. See Mother bite her finger nails. See Mother go.
See Mother go to the store 12 times in one hour.
Go Mother go. See Mother go faster. Run Mother run.
See Mother trim the tree.
See Mother have a party.
See Mother make popcorn.
See Mother wash the walls.
See Mother scrub the rug.
See Mother tear up the organized plan.
See Mother forget gift for Uncle Harold.
See Mother get hives.
Go Mother go. See the far away look in Mother's eyes.
Mother has become disorganized. Mother has become disoriented.
Funny, funny Mother.

It is finally Christmas morning. See the happy family.
See Father smile. Father is happy.
Smile Father smile.
Father loves fruit cake.
Father loves Christmas pudding.
Father loves all the new neckties.
Look, look. See the happy children. See the children's toys.
Santa was very good to the children.
The children will remember this Christmas.

See Mother. Mother is slumped in a chair.
Mother is crying uncontrollably.
Mother does not look well.
Mother has ugly dark circles under her blood shot eyes.
Everyone helps mother to her bed.
See Mother sleep quietly under heavy sedation.
See Mother smile.
Funny, funny Mother.


Hmmmm....Perhaps that's isn't too wrong of an idea about women and the holidays. Nonetheless on to the attributes of an expert gift giver.

1. When evaluating what to give the recipient the expert gift giver looks at not just the temporal but the spiritual needs.

2. The gift is given freely...without expectation of reaction, expectation of use, or even acknowledgement of receipt. The expert gift giver's joy comes in simply giving and walking away.

3. Even if the gift is given as a sacrifice to the expert gift giver they know that the return is greater as it has been investigated, prayed about, and freely given. The joy or ease of burdens the expert gift giver knows is the greater than the sacrifice made.

So how about fair reader? Are you an expert gift giver...do you try at least? Where have you hit it on the head? When have you fell short? And finally Merry Christmas.