Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Life Lesson #652: The Frienemom

Life Lesson #652: The Frienemom (UPDATE!!!)

Words that describe me would be sassy, dramatic, animated, boisterous. Words to describe my husband….all the opposite of above and loyal. My husband is loyal to the bone to me. 

Keep that in mind as you read this post.

We have a 17-year-old son. A junior who is dating a sophomore, a young girl we will call Ariel. She is smart, intelligent, and funny. I really like her. Not that he knows that. Her mother…not so much. Without going into detail let it be said that I don’t respect her mother. She presents herself as more of a friend to not just her daughter but my son as well.

On prom night, we were the transportation for the lovely couple. When we arrived to pick up Ariel son asked us to wait in the car. We did but only with the understanding when they came out, we would take a few pictures of them.

I mean I just paid out the wooha for a tux, dinner, tickets, and gas. I was getting som flipping photos!

Well after 10 min the frienemom comes out. (I remember visibly sighing when she appeared because of her state of dress.)

 I digress. Here’s how the conversation went.

“Hey, Jacob said he didn’t want to come out and take photos. Ariel and I can email you some of the ones we took in the house.” As she giggled blue takes a deep drag from her Misty 100.

“Well I told Jacob I wanted to take his picture before he came in. So you can tell him that he can either come out and have his picture made or he can come out and we can go home.” She looked at me and laughed and then stopped when she realized I was dead serious.

I mean like I want picture in a house when I can have photos under a flowering tree!
They came out, we had some lovely photos made. It was a hit.

Fast forward 2 weeks later.

Apparently, frienemom doesn’t want to let Ariel come over anymore because I was rude to her. My son asked me if I was. And my response was. “Yeah! You know me and you shouldn’t have sent her out. Well if she doesn’t want to let her come over then that’s her choice.”

Later that day he wants to know if he can go over to Ariel’s. They are having a big family dinner. I say I don’t care.

Then my son, who should know better, calls his dad and wants to know the secret to making our prize family sweet gravy. They are having ham at Ariel’s. My husband looks at me then back at the phone with a wolfish grin and says, 

“Powdered Sugar.”

Here is punch line. Powdered sugar is absolutely not the ingredient and it’s an even worse substitute.

Cheers Frienemom.


Fast Forward Another Two Weeks

After this status update on Facebook got so much attention.

 "Holy Crap my husband just burst my newly driving son's teenage bubble. Is it wrong I enjoyed it just a little bit? If girlfriend is too good to set foot in our house she's too good to ride in our car powered by our gas."

And the fact that it's in my top 5 of most viewed blog posts I felt I could continue on. So this is in more detail what happened when I posted that status update of what happened not to mention an explanation of even more of what occcured that day. 

I was working in my office when I hear my oldest son and husband having a loud discussion. Son wants to drive the car to school. He's had his license for 2 days and we have no school parking permit for the car. 

We live literally a 6 minute walk to school. And with the cost of gas he and his brother can walk.

Well he has to drive his girlfriend home because her mom and grandmother are both indisposed  and can't pick her up today. Apparently the bus doesn't go to her house. I'm sure it's out of boundaries but I digress.Being it's a half day we concede and say yeah ya'll just walk over. 

Well she can't walk over because she's mad that I was mean to her mother. I can just imagine Frienemom going on and on about how I've done irreparable damage to her self esteem because of our 3 minute exchange. I swear I've heard about it so much that I wouldn't be surprised to get a summons to court for emotional assault.

Father and son continue to disagree where he finally bursts the bubble and said your not driving today at all and told me to drive the car for my errands. Everyone goes their separate ways for a couple of hours. 

Lunch time...I'm at a wonderful little coffee shop that has these Hawaiian themed rooms that you can reserve. Because of my children being on half days and the end of school upon us and the fact I have French doors to my office I have to leave for conference calls. 

It is a truly embarrassing experience when you are on a video call with a potential new client and you look up to see two kids dripping wet from playing in the sprinklers with their dirty faces pressed to the glass.Never doing that again!

Again I digress. I'm on my call and next thing I know my phone is blowing up with text messages and calls from husband and son. I have to excuse myself to check it out. 

Apparently son thought that if the girlfriend walked home with him then she could use the car. So he's wanting me to come home and bring the car for him to use. (side note: we have an SUV that I drive mostly. It's nothing grand but after losing my first Expedition and working hard for 3 years to get another one I'm not willing to share it with a newly driving teen.)

OK my face is an open book. Note in the beginning when I said I was animated. Yeah we are talking eyebrows raise, lips pursed, eye's bug eyed. It is not pretty and I'm on a damn video conference call. At this point I'm ready to forget my reformed way's of my adulthood and introduce my son to a smack down. We've had words before where he announced he was stronger than me. And he is indeed. My response to that was I've lived on the streets, I fight dirty, and I carry weapons. He was very surprised.  Don't start nothing won't be nothing.

I text back and say I'll be done in a few hours. Then resume my call. At 1:30 I rush home to switch out cars since I have a 2:00 doctors appointment. Well wouldn't you know girlfriend isn't even there.Her mother came to get her. 

Isn't that just freaking peachy keen! Couldn't text me and tell me that could ya?

Luckily I'd spoke with a friend before coming home and I had some degree of sanity. However, after this conversation the only thing saving him was the doctor's appointment. 

"Where's Ariel?" I said.

"Her mom came to get her." He responds while laid out in sweats in a trashed living room watching tv.

"I thought her mom couldn't come get her."

"Nah that's tomorrow. So I'll need the car then." This victim of teenage lunacy says to me.

There are times in my life such as this moment where I think that when a child becomes a teenager they literally forget most of their life. That can be the only answer. Because this child knows me. Knows that I will show out in a school to defend him or come up with some ridiculously crazy punishment like spend a whole day in 6th grade as his shadow.

"Son," I say through gritted teeth. "I don't have a problem with you helping Ariel out. But this little BS with her mom being mad needs to be addressed. And since you started it you need to fix it. Cause you don't want me to get involved."

"Well it's not Ariel it's her mom that doesn't want her coming over because you were rude to her."

"Yes I was probably rude but I was reacting to you sending her. She was just the messenger. Have you tried to explain that?"

"Yeah I know you were mad at me. But when you get angry with us you take it out on whoever is around. You know that right?"

"Yes, I damn well know that! And obviously you do too. So why then did you send her out into the Lion's den when You know I would eat her up?!"

No answer. 

"Look son," I'm calmer now. "Her mom has cut off one avenue of your ability to see her. If we were mean we'd say OK well you can't go there either. Oh and we are taking your phone so you can't text her. And you can't be around her in our car. With it being summer vaca that's gonna put a damper on the relationship ain't it? But we haven't done that. So my suggestion to you is to explain to her mom your part in this. Cause at the way it's going it isn't going to end pretty if you don't diffuse this bomb."

"Alright." He says. 

"Now go put some jeans on and put in job applications." I turn to go to my office real quick. He comes down stairs and flags me down in the garage as I'm leaving in the Expedition with no gas. 

"Hey can Ariel go with me so I have some company and so she can put in apps too?" He really is bold ain't he?

"Yes, indeed she can. She can contribute to the gas and insurance fund on the car."

And I left for the doctor. I'm surprised to say that my blood pressure wasn't all that bad. I texted with my friend again and laughing really helped diffuse my anxiety. 

As always if you find this even slightly funny please use those nifty share buttons I added to "share."


  1. Love it!!!! I would have done said the same thing.

  2. Oh, this is just AWESOME!
    You go, girl!

  3. couldn't have handled it any it

  4. Oh wow...I wouldn't ever wanna be on your bad side!

    I have two teenage boys...I fear for their girlfriends if they have dumb mothers...I don't know how to bite my tongue and be polite for anyone's sake.

    1. Angie, I have 2 too. But one is a home body. :)

      I love you! You're a woman after my own heart.

  5. Bwahaha. Classic. ;) We get along great and cookout often with my son's girlfriend's dad and step-mom. The mom and step-dad? No.

    1. I've never met the dad. She lives with her grandma and aunt.
      I'd like to have a get together but I ain't going back to jail. Lol

  6. By far, the best Blog I have read yet, Thanks for the Laugh.

    1. Hey that was by far the best compliment! Thanks for making me have a great day from the start.

    2. Your Welcome Lol.

  7. Well, bless your heart. hehehe This is one of the best blog posts I've read all week! I would have handled it very much as you did. You betcha. I imagine that gravy turned out real 'special'. lol

    1. OH Nadia it was indeed a fabulous dinner. I only know cause I read the texts that confirmed it. ; )

  8. OK commentators for those that subscribed at least, After yesterday I find myself thinking, "why won't I take valium?" The Frienemom saga continues.