Wednesday, November 14, 2012

I have Cleanorexia

Please don’t think that is a dig or a joke about people with anorexia. It’s not. But I know that psychologists have said that the trigger or foundation for eating disorders is feeling a general lack of control. Meaning a person will try to exert control over their weight. Thus creating a feeling of security leading to obsession in the form of an eating disorder.

With that in mind I have unprofessionally diagnosed myself with Cleanorexia. For the past five years I’ve felt like the queen on a chess board and prosperity and trials are the ones moving the pieces. From financial failure, to challenges with my children, to marital issues, health and wellness occurrences, my family and I have endured what I imagine many people have in recent months and years.

When those times began I started cleaning, organizing, selling anything we didn’t need, couponing, making my own laundry detergent. You name it. If I could do whatever made me feel productive, prepared, or in control I did it.
Last night after having several hours of an amazing and empowering networking event I came home to my husband saying these words, “I may not have a job as of 12/1/12.” 

Talk about bringing you down!

We prayed. We talked. And admittedly it’s an area we’ve been to before. Multiple times.

After a night of anxiety and little to no sleep for either of us we got up, had scripture and prayer with our family, got them ready and out the door for school, and both  worked.

Since I work from home I found myself looking around and thinking I need to vacuum, make up another 6 months worth of detergent, check the paper for the coupon deals this coming week, make beds, dust, on top of the follow ups I need to do, the meeting I have at 11:30, the books I need to write and so on and so forth.

Those desires to clean and to just keep moving were familiar. Nevertheless it has been a while since I felt them. Gratefully I recognized them for what they are and I admit I’ll most likely give in and clean some but I will still keep my bearing and press forward with joy and thanksgiving.

What do you do to feel in control when chaos erupts? Are you an eater ? A runner? Do get lost in a novel? Do tell. 

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  1. Sorry to hear about your challenges, Bri. But at least cleaning is a constructive way to handle the challenging emotions! Better than falling into an abyss of overeating or other numbing activities...

    1. OH Nancy girl I was wanting so bad to drown my sorrows into a bag of Doritoes and cream cheese. haha. Thanks for the support.

  2. Sorry to hear about the new challenges going on. I know it's no fun to have the spouse lose the regular income (been there, done that). I'm sure you guys will make it work.

    As for the "cleanroexia"I think I only really go full on "cleaner" when I'm trying to avoid something (and it's usually writing). It's seems to be all about procrastination for me.

    Best of luck with everything.

    1. OH Katy you know it! I can relate to that too. Avoiding the books can been bad. I find when I am avoiding that I'm reading instead and telling myself it's research. LOL

  3. Hey Bri, You know you've been through this stuff before and you know that you can handle it and there will be another job out there! Your hubs is a talented guy and he'll get something soon. My man has been unemployed for several months and just today got a job offer. There is light at the end of this tunnel. Keep praying and keep the faith! Love you! Jolene

    1. Thanks Jolene. I'm so aware of my past! And thankful for God's hand and guiding light in our lives. Congrats on the Job for Tim!!!

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