Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Food Porn by the Caveat Queen


        Food Porn
by the Caveat Queen 



Sitting slack-jawed, drooling, and motionless on the couch last weekend, I sat staring at the television as the hours passed.  I was jealously watching the host of each show enjoy luscious dishes that I could only dream of encountering.  At one point, I actually groaned as the host described a dish that he was preparing to enjoy.  That’s when it hit me.  These shows had crossed the line, or I had.  Someone certainly had, as these oversized sandwiches, their contents temptingly spilling onto the plate and practically into my living room, desserts whose chocolate nearly melted right into my mouth, and sauces whose ingredients only needed to be mentioned to make me want to climb right through the TV into the kitchens that I was voyeuristically watching: I wasn’t watching cooking shows!  These were food porn!

As the “Ace of Cakes” had shown me, even cakes can be pumped up with silicone (ok, maybe it’s Styrofoam).  But thing is, even a simple cake needs a little help now and then to look her best!  I couldn’t believe it the first time I saw what they call a “cake form”.  If cakes need this kind of help, it’s no surprise I can’t keep my own layers from sagging. 
It’s any wonder we are so obsessed with food, when we are bombarded with images of it, and not only that, but it is made up to look so darn pretty.  I actually watched a show about how food artists do their jobs.  Basically, it’s make-up for food.  Most of the food we see in ads, magazine photo spreads, and TV ads is phony, just like those cakes that are decorated up so nicely.  Orange juice has soap bubbles to make it look fresh, meat is seared on the outside and left raw in the middle so it will run with the right amount of juices, ice cream is actually mashed potatoes, so it won’t melt under the lights.  The list goes on and on, of faked-up, maked-up food stuffs.  And you thought it took a lot to make Angelina Jolie’s lips look good in the movies!  (Or did you really think she rolled out of bed looking like that?  I prefer to think that she needs a few soap bubbles and is made out of mashed potatoes, myself.)


Even with all of the knowledge that we possess about diet, exercise, heart health, and blah, blah, blah, the food we consume has little to do with our intellect, and a lot to do with our senses.  This is why a channel like the Food Network can just show a burger being grilled, with cheese melting down the sides; the chef sliding that burger onto a bun with fries on the side, shaking some salt onto those crispy, slightly brown potatoes, serve up the whole thing right into the big screen of your living room, and you’ll watch. You might not be able to have that burger right then, but I can tell you this: the advertiser that buys time on that show would be smart to sell burgers! They might get someone to run to McDonalds’ or Burger King after the show.  And the viewers might buy the products that were placed: whether it might be the ketchup, seasonings, or they might even have “Beef, it’s what’s for dinner.” 
This “food porn” is in magazines (what publication doesn’t have a recipe section anymore?  Popular Mechanics, maybe?), the morning news programs (since when was food news, but just ask “Good Morning America” and they’ll tell you it is), and certainly it’s all over the Internet, right next to sex in popularity.  Recipes, diets, allergies, if you have an interest or a need, there is a website, a blog, and an e-community for you. 
There is a difference, obviously, between the selling of food, and the pornography of food.  Just as there is between a romantic comedy and a porno.  Groceries must be sold; a recipe exchanged, and there has to be advertising, as well.  But, I guess it goes from the sublime to the ridiculous when I am watching a show where someone is slicing a 16-inch thick sandwich, which is practically pornographic in and of itself, and the host of the show is moaning and groaning over it and begging to try a bite, does so, and then tells us all how great it is, before he moves on to the next item on the menu.  No recipe, no information, just us, the audience, watching him eat.  It has no socially redeeming value, really, which is the definition of pornography.  And when, my friends, did we become people who felt this way about food?  Ok, well apparently I did last weekend.  Scary.

 


OMB!! This woman never gets old! I love you Caveat Queen. I laugh so hard every time!! Thanks so much


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